(This is a rough draft. This is part 2 of a 2 part series. Part 1 is available here.)
In the previous post I talked about 2 widely different scenarios in which fear erupts. Here I’ll talk about MY solution to deal with it. I highlighted the my because this currently works for me. If you something constructive to add, I’m all ears. But if you want to argue, I’ll delete your comment and block you. I love constructive criticism; I hate shitheads.
In both scenarios, I mentioned that the underlying theme is – fear means something threatens your survivability. Now this threat could be real, or this threat could be due to my perception of reality.
In scenario 2, the threat was real and I don’t think I’ve to explain it anymore.
But scenario 1 is more interesting. The fear may be primal (I haven’t explored the origin of fear in this case), but how you react to it depends a lot on your perception of reality. An AFC (Average Frustrated Chump in pickup community) usually has a messed up perception of reality which results in his low self esteem. Consequently, he percieves almost anything and everything as a threat to his chances with the girl (hell, the girl and the guy could be cousins!). But a PUA (Pick Up Artist) usually has the right set of perceptions, and consequently he doesn’t let the fear grow. Remember I mention that he doesn’t let the fear grow, not that he doesn’t have fear. (I’m not a PUA, but I’ve heard this from a lot of them).
As you see, it’s our perceptions of reality which determine whether we let fear grow or not. Perceptions stem from our beliefs. So a false belief will lead to wrong perceptions. In the case of the AFC, his false belief (which most probably was inculcated in him since childhood) is that he’s not good enough, and nobody will notice him. This false belief leads to most of the mess he’s in.
But not all beliefs are false. If the baby is crying, then something is most probably wrong. This belief is true.
So to deal with fear I’ve started using the following algorithm:
- Is the fear originating from a fact? (For example, scenario 2) If yes, take the appropriate action to deal with it.
- Else Is the fear originating from a true belief? In this case the fear is hinting at something, and you need to deal with the event causing the fear. (the baby crying incident)
- Else the fear is originating from a false belief. In this case, try to determined how much truth is present in the belief, and then change it so that it’s based on only truth.
Try it out. It has been working for me.
